Stop Pressing the Gas: What to Do When You’re Feeling Stuck
I imagine when come to see a therapist – you might be thinking, I’ve got this problem that I need fixing. That the therapist has the answers on how to fix it.
Then you show up at my door, and when I tell you, I don’t believe in quick fixes and that healing is a journey. Or I give some “woo-woo” quote like “it’s a curious paradox that it is only when I accept myself as I am then I can change” and then maybe you think, well then what the hell am I paying you for then?
Here is what I will tell you about the ways I think about being stuck.
If you have ever gotten your car stuck in the mud you will know that when you press your foot on the gas your tires spin, but you don’t move anywhere. And if you continuously press on the gas, your tires can’t actually get any traction, the hole is getting bigger, and you are getting more and more stuck.
Metaphorically, this is when people come to therapy; when your tires have been spinning, and your foot is still on the gas. You were maybe hoping for a tow truck to come in and pull you right out. But then I show up, no fancy tools to extract you from the stuckness, and the first thing I tell you need to STOP putting your foot on the gas. You need to stay still.
When you come to therapy, I will ask for you to be with the stuckness. That being with the stuck is actually an active part of the process. It’s not that I don’t understand, and it’s not that I want you to stay in your stuckness, and I certainly don’t want you to accept defeat or feel like I am not taking your concern seriously or disregarding it.
I ask you to be with the stuckness because I believe there are important messages in there - but we need to be still long enough to receive them. We need to recognize when we are feeling discomfort and examine what is going on.
It is when we tune in and learn about our likes, dislikes, and what feels good or doesn’t that we can start making choices that gently get us traction.
You could start to examine the stuckness by asking yourself:
What most wants attention?
How am I experiencing this in my body?
What am I believing right now?
What does this place of stuckness want from me?
What does it most need?
With love,
Chantelle
