The Architecture of Mis-Belonging: On Language, Stigma and Seeing
As someone who holds multiple intersecting marginalized identities, in conjunction with holding space for others who share similar backgrounds, I have spent an extensive amount of time exploring the concept of belonging - or maybe more accurately – mis-belonging.
These explorations led me to grapple of the notions of Stigma. Particularly how stigma intensifies the discord between groups, further amplifying the “us" vs “them” rational that perpetuates the ongoing problems we see in our society. The problem with the “Other”; how much easier to place on “them”. How much safer it can be to belong.
I wanted to know where stigma comes from. What purpose its serves. How do we recognize it?
A Story of Language
Before I dive deeper, I wanted to share a little story of language. On one of the many occasions I was meeting with my supervisor, we were deep, in a particularly rich conversation about the complexities of language.
As humans we use language every day to communicate our needs, desires, likes and dislikes. We use language to elicit feelings and emotions; to create narratives and to express ourselves. We can find comfort and a sense of belonging in the language that others provide.
Language holds power.
Language is also a place of contention and misunderstanding.
During this conversation, my supervisor pulled a large old dictionary off her shelf. We looked up the meaning of a word and we sat with it. I don’t remember which word it was - I don’t think it matters. What was important was what happened next; we began to pull apart the word; examining it at different angles. Seeing how it might fit into the scenario at hand. How it didn’t quite belong.
We explored the different meanings of the same word and my world grew larger with every moment. This experience of disassembly stayed with me
When I began to reflect on stigma, I remembered that conversation and I pulled out my dictionary and looked up the word. Quickly, one definition led to another and through this deep chain of exploration, I felt the true weight of that six-letter word.
The Etymology of Exclusion
Stigma: A set of negative and unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something. A mark of disgrace, shame or discredit.
Disgrace: Loss of reputation or respect as the result of a dishonorable action. To bring shame or discredit on someone or something
Dishonorable: Bringing shame or disgrace on someone or something
Discredit: Harm the good reputation or someone or something. Loss or lack of reputation or respect
Shame: A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior
Reputation: A overall quality or character as seen or judged by people in general. Recognition by other people of some character or ability. A place in public esteem or regard
When Stigma moves beyond beliefs to action
Discrimination: the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of ethnicity, age, sex, or disability
Prejudicial: tending to injure or impair. Leading to premature judgment or unwarranted opinion.
Marginalized: to treat a person or group as unimportant, powerless, or outside the mainstream of society.
When Stigma is internalized
Distress: a feeling of great worry or unhappiness; great mental pain
Ashamed: embarrassed or guilty because of one’s actions, characteristics, or associations. Reluctant to do something through fear of embarrassment or humiliation
Guilty: Having committed an offense, crime, violent or wrong, especially against moral or penal law justly subject to a certain accusation or penalty. Characterized by, connected with or involving guilt. Having or showing a sense of guilt, whether real or imagined
Embarrassment: A feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness
Humiliating: causing someone to feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect. To make someone feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly
Foolish: A person or action lacking good sense of judgement; unwise
Unwise: Not wise or sensible
Dignity: Self-Respect pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honour and dignity
Reading these definitions back-to-back, the words brought to life the deep impact that stigma leaves on the heart. It formed a clear picture of who stigma is impacting, the weight of the burden that we carry when the very things that make us human have been pathologized.
It highlighted to me why people have such a hard time reaching out in times of need. It reminded me of the real risks of being labelled as “Other”.
Why Do We Keep Creating It?
In our 21st century modern and woke world, don’t we have enough knowledge to begin to undo the harms that stigma causes? If it’s so clear that stigma is so harmful, why do we keep creating it? What purpose does it serve?
We can’t look at stigma, without looking at society.
Society is defined as an enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships. Within each society there are a set of expectations presumed to each member of what is “normal”, “acceptable”, and “honourable” ways of acting and appearing. These expectations are then enforced and reinforced through systems of rewards and punishments - via institutional power, cultural norms values and daily interactions
As members of any society we often unconsciously participate in the maintenance of these social structure.
We can begin to be released from the grips of shame when we understand that the shame does not come from within.
Within any society there are social order categories created for people to fit into, creating “in-groups” and “out-groups”. Being in the “in-group” can bring a sense of safety, belonging, unity and inclusion- so long as you follow the rules, stay in line and not diverge.
To have an in-group, there must be an out group to separate from and to dehumanize. In Western society, the dominant discourse is rooted in systems designed to maintain a specific status quo. Members of the out-group are often shunned for characteristics beyond their control: ethnicity, sexuality, physical or mental differences or social class.
The social structure that stigma upholds is one of superiority versus inferiority. and being viewed as inferior carries real risks to mental, physical, spiritual and social health.
5 ways to disassemble the power of Stigma
Do I think that we will ever be able to eradicate stigma completely? No. Do I think we might be able change the shape, texture and intensity? Yes. Here is where we can start :
See the humanity in others. Remember that there are structures at play, designed for us to view some people as different, dangerous or bad. These structures are designed to dehumanize some while exalting others. We are all part of the human race, complete with our messy, beautiful flaws and gifts.
Be mindful of your language. The words we use when talking about others can deeply impact the ways we think about individuals and whole groups of people.
Shame is the progeny of stigma. Shame is used as a tool to make individuals feel fundamentally flawed. Releasing its grip starts with realizing that this shame was projected onto you, not born within you.
Engage in ongoing learning and reflection. Look into history - all history. We can learn from our mistakes. We can see how far we have come, and how far we have regressed as society. Knowledge is power, stay open to learning from others who might come from a different background than you.
Challenge your assumptions and biases. You carry assumptions and biases, and this does not make you bad! We all carry them. Bringing biases into the light deprives them of their power and turn unconscious patterns into conscious choices.
Moving Forward
The journey of “seeing” is deeply personal, an individual and collective responsibility. It starts from within, requiring only a willingness to be honest, to sit in discomfort, and to approach ourselves and others with compassion.
We must resist the temptation to use the same tools that has created harm and domination that were used against us, and instead find new ways of understanding.
If this resonated with you and you’d like to continue the conversation privately, please feel free to reach out to me directly though my contact page
With love,
Chantelle
References
American Psychiatric Association (2026).Pschiatry.org- Stigma, Prejudice, and Discrimination Against People with Mental Illness. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/stigma-and-discrimination
Goar, H. (2023). Social Stigma| Social Sciences and Humanities | Research Starters | EBSCO Research. https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/social-sciences-and-humanities/social-stigmas
